NO LONG-TERM STORING! Your credit card number is encrypted on Meth Coffee's servers temporarily while your transaction is processed, then flushed immediately. Unlike most other internet-based companies, YOUR CREDIT CARD INFORMATION IS NOT STORED AFTER YOUR TRANSACTION IS DONE!

PROCESSING BY VERISIGN! Credit card transactions are encrypted and processed by VeriSign®, which offers one of the most highly secure payment networks in the world.

MONITORING! Meth Coffee systems are under 24/7 surveillance to guard against hacking, physical attacks, and data theft attempts. Believe it or not, I'm watching you right now!

NO CONTRACTORS! I won't supply your personal information to contract employees, non-essential affiliates, corporate asses, progammer dorks, bonafide junkies, or terrorists.

NO EMAIL SHARING! I promise not to provide your email address to third parties, except when it's absolutely necessary to fulfill your order.

Want to learn more about security? Wells Fargo offers a useful list of tips and advice.