About The Product
Is this stuff safe?
Is it legal?
I don't want "Meth" on my packages or credit card statement.
Are you promoting or glorifying Meth, the drug?
About Your Order
How do I place an order?
When will my order arrive?
How do I check my order status?
What if I lose my order number?
Can I order on the phone?
I didn't receive an order confirmation email.
Can I add or remove items from my order?
Can I cancel my order after it has been placed?
Do you accept returns?
Has my return been processed?
Can I exchange an item?
How do your shirts fit?
How should I care for my shirt?
Are your shirts available in a store near me?
I'm a woman, and I want a woman's shirt, but the sizes are smaller than I am.
About Payment
How can I pay for my order? Can I send you a check?
Will my credit card number be safe?
When will I be charged for my order?
About Shipping
Do you ship to my address?
About Gifts
I want to send my order as a gift. Do you gift wrap?
About Business Inquiries
Where may I make business inquiries?
Can I sell your coffee?
Can I sell your shirts?
I want to tell people about you on my web site.
Do you have an affiliate program?
Can I work for you?
About Communication with Meth Coffee
I want to talk to somebody on the phone. Will you call me? Can I call you?
How do I get added to your email list?
How do I unsubscribe from your email list?
How do I change my email address on your mailing list?
Will you sell my email address to anyone?
What do I do if I changed my email address after ordering? How do I get my receipt?
Q: Is this stuff safe?
Sure it is—as much as caffeine is safe. Don't snort it, inject it, huff it, or do any other crazy things The Drinker does in our commercial, and you'll be fine!
Q: Is Meth Coffee legal?
Meth Coffee contains only legal substances.
Q: I don't want "Meth" on my packages or credit card statement.
Meth Coffee respects your privacy. Your credit card will be billed "M Coffee" and your package will be shipped from "M Coffee."
Q: Are you promoting or glorifying crystal meth, the drug?
A: No, Fool, how would Meth Coffee sell if we spent our time promoting crank? We celebrate the pleasure of caffeine addiction to the point of comic absurdity. If you don't like it and don't want to take a trip on the big brown Meth Coffee dragon, don't swallow.
In fact, with some of us in recovery ourselves, we support addiction recovery efforts in San Francisco and abroad through coffee donations and fund raising whenever we can with our tongue-in-cheek product. If, like us, you think humor is good medicine for addiction recovery, please take a second to visit our stand-up comedian friends at Recovery Comedy, and book a recovering comedian for your next NA, AA, 12-step, or other recovery event!
Q: How do I place an order?
A: Start by finding an item you like on the web site, select it, and click on the "Add to shopping cart" button. You will be taken to your "shopping cart," where you will be able to view and modify the item(s) you have selected. Your shopping cart *remembers every item you want to purchase, so that you don't have to. Keep adding items to your shopping cart until you are ready to make your purchase. You will be able to review the items you have chosen before you make your purchase.
*If you leave your computer or your Internet session expires, your order may not be saved in the system, so you may want to write down the items you would like to purchase for a later time.
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Q: When will my order arrive?
A:
If you have not ordered yet, you may want to view your Shipping Options for average shipping times before you decide which method to use.
If an item is backordered, part of your order will be delayed. When you check out, backordered items will be listed. Backordered items typically become available for shipment within two weeks, but times may vary.
If you have already ordered, you may check the status of your order using the Order Number you got when you placed your order (also sent to you in your Email Confirmation). Check your order status now.
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Q: How do I check my order status?
A: To check the status of your order, go to
the Order Status page and enter your Order Number. The
status of your order will be posted there. If you are in the United States, your package tracking information will also be available on the order status page.
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Q: What if I lose my order number?
A: If you lose your Order Number, you will need to email me from the email address you used to sign up to get the status of your order. For security reasons, order status will not be sent to email addresses that are not in my records. Go to the Order Status page for information on how to retrieve your order status.
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Q: Can I order on the phone?
A:
I do not accept phone orders at this time. You may order items securely from the web site. Learn more about the Meth Coffee secure payment system. Payment methods accepted are Visa, Mastercard, and American Express credit cards via the Meth Coffee web site . Meth Coffee does not accept any other payment methods.
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Q: I didn't receive an order confirmation email.
A: If your confirmation email hasn't arrived yet, go to the Order Status page to check the status of your order.
Please note that for security reasons Meth Coffee is unable to send Email Confirmations, Order Numbers, or complete order information to email addresses different from the ones provided upon purchase.
If you made a purchase and did not receive your Confirmation Email and were unable to receive an Order Status email from this page, it may be that you had spam or junk mail filtering turned on, that your company or ISP is filtering your email, or that you gave Meth Coffee a different email address from the one you receive email at. If you are not able to receive email at the address you provided, you will receive your Order Invoice, along with your order, in your shipment.
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Q: Can I add or remove items from my order once it is submitted?
A: All coffee orders are roasted to order especially for you! So don't hoard the goods! Only order what you can handle! Coffee may not be removed from your order once I start making it for you. If you would like to purchase additional items, I ask that you place a new order. Price comes out about the same.
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Q: Can I cancel my order after it has been placed?
A: Don't press that button twice! All Meth Coffee orders are final. Once you have submitted your order, it is processed for you — beans are immediately roasted, t-shirts are immediately printed . . . I mean it!
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Q: Do you accept returns?
A:
I guaranty the quality of my coffee and t-shirts. If you feel the product you have received is not satisfactory, I will accept returned orders for refund* if the returned item(s) are received within 30 days of purchase in original, unaltered condition. Meth Coffee does not offer returns or refunds for coffee already consumed or damaged items of any kind. Shipping and processing fees for orders placed and orders returned will not be reimbursed by Meth Coffee.
*If you plan on making a return, please read the Meth Coffee Return Policy first.
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Q: Has my return been processed?
A: You may check the status of your return by going to the order status page and
looking up the order number your returned item belongs with. You will be
able to see whether Meth Coffee has received your returned item(s) and the status of your request.
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Q: Can I exchange an item?
A: Meth Coffee does not offer exchanges.
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Q: How do your shirts fit?
A:
Meth Coffee shirts are printed on designer t-shirts, which run a bit smaller than most brands, and they shrink a bit if washed in warm water or tumbled dry. But they are softer and easier to wear for days on end—just what a Meth Coffee head needs. So be sure to grab a shirt with that coffee. You will like the difference. You may want to look at the Size Charts before picking your size.
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Q: How should I care for my shirt?
1. Wash in cold water alone or with similarly delicate garments
A:
Meth Coffee shirts are printed on t-shirts of superior quality. There will be some shrinkage, especially if washed in warm water and tumbled dry. Your Meth Coffee t-shirt will shrink least and last longest when cared for as follows:
2. Dry flat
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Q: I'm a woman, and I want a woman's shirt, but the sizes are smaller than I am.
A:
The men's shirts are made to fit everyone. The only difference between them and the women's shirts is their slightly different cut. But both men's and women's cuts are a figure-flattering slim fit. For more information about the men's/unisex shirts, view the Size Charts.
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Q: How can I pay for my order? Can I send you a check?
A: You may pay by Visa, Mastercard, and American Express credit cards via the Meth Coffee web site . I do not accept other payment methods. No checks, cash, PayPal, or payment by phone! I mean it!
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Q: Are your shirts available in a store near me?
A:
Meth Coffee currently only sells shirts here online.
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Q: Will my credit card number be safe?
A: Meth Coffee has taken industry-standard precautions to ensure the safekeeping of your financial information. See the Security page for more information.
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Q: My credit card was refused when I entered it via your web site. May I give it to you by phone?
A:
Meth Coffee only accepts orders through the Meth Coffee web site. If your card was refused on the web site, it would be refused if taken over the phone as well. I suggest asking a friend or family member to make the purchase on your behalf.
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Q: My credit card was refused. Is there another way I can pay?
A:
Meth Coffee accepts only Visa, Mastercard, and American Express credit cards via the Meth Coffee web site . If you have one of these and it is refused, you may want to speak to your credit card company about the reason for refusal or try getting a friend or family member to make the purchase on your behalf.
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Q: When will I be charged for my order?
A: Your credit card is processed as soon as you submit your order. You will receive
immediate credit card approval/declination after you submit your order, and you may see it at your bank right away, too.
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Q: Do you ship to my address?
A:
Meth Coffee ships all over the United States and to many countries worldwide. For details and restrictions, see Meth Coffee Shipping Options.
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Q: I want to send my order as a gift. Do you gift wrap?
A:
Yes! Meth Coffee sends gift items in a fancy box with ribbon and a gift card. A $3.00 charge will be added to your purchase price per item. Find out more about Meth Coffee Gifts.
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Q: Where may I make business inquiries?
A:
You may contact me here.
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Q: Can I sell your coffee?
A: Yes. Please read about becoming a Meth Coffee Dealer, apply if you're licensed to do so where you live, and let me know if you need signage and/or a display for your retail space.
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Q: Can I sell your shirts?
A: Sure, but you have to buy it first. I don't do any stocking or consignment. Please read about becoming a Meth Coffee Dealer and apply if you're licensed to do so where you live.
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Q: Do you have an affiliate program?
A: Yes, please tell everyone about Meth Coffee. Check out the rewards you will reap on the Affiliate sign-up page. Please don't spam anyone.
Q: Can I work for you?
A: I'm always looking for talent. What's yours?
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Q: I want to talk to somebody on the phone. Will you call me? Can I call you?
A:
I only like people as a concept, so I don't currently provide customer support
by telephone. If you have a question, you may want to check
the information on the web site, starting with Help information. If you
don't find the answers you need, you may contact me from the
Contact page.
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Q: How do I get added to your email list?
A: If you would like to subscribe to the Meth Coffee email list, go to the home page and type your email address in the box at the bottom-right part of the page, under "Get Meth Coffee news."
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Q: How do I unsubscribe from your email list?
A: If you would like to unsubscribe from the Meth Coffee email list, send an email from the email account you wish to have unsubscribed to unsubscribe@methcoffee.com. Put "Unsubscribe" in the subject field of your message. If you have more than one email address you would like to unsubscribe, list all of the email addresses you wish to be removed from the Meth Coffee mailing list. You should receive a confirmation email that you have been unsubscribed.
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Q: How do I change my email address on your mailing list??
A: Send me your email address from here. Be sure to include your old name and address, as well as your new name and address, in the email.
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Q: Will you sell my email address to anyone?
A: Meth Coffee will not sell your e-mail address. Click here to learn more about the Meth Coffee Privacy Policy.
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Q: What do I do if I changed my email address after ordering? How do I get my receipt?
A: You may receive limited order information if you email me here.
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